I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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