I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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