dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
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I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize