Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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