i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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