I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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