You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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