So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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