Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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