my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize