Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize