we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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