Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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