We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
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Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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