I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
How's work?
Spinning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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