someone threw a dead crab at me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize