just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
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He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
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You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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