Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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