bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize