Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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