thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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