I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just forgot I was standing up.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize