he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
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No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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