I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
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I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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