I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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