i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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