I think i sorta joined a cult last night
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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