I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
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mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
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Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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