I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
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There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
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posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
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