if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize