I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize