I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize