Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize