We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
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Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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