he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize