If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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