mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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