i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
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Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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