I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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