My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize