by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize