splinters make it hard to masturbate
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize