You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize