come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
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She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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