Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
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We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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