Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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