Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Sext me about skeletons
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize