Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize