Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize