i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
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Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
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I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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